Here's How Marriage Changes You Physically and Mentally


When a man and a woman get married, they usually aspire to do so for life or at least for a long time. Sometimes his desire is fulfilled, but in others everything goes overboard and the relationship that was once promising, comes unfortunately to an end.

What did I do wrong? What is not wrong? These are questions that surely cross the head of at least one of the members of the couple after the break. However, this usually does not happen overnight, and it is often possible to avoid it if you pay attention to certain signals.

Allison Cohen, a California marriage counselor who has collaborated with renowned media such as Cosmopolitan or The Huffington Post, identified 10 signs that show that a couple is going through a crisis that could end in divorce. It qualifies them as the "great indicators" that give the opportunity to turn everything around and repair the damage. Next we show you what they are, do you feel identified with any? 

1. You start making decisions alone / alone: As in relationships things are "two", it is common for both members of the couple to ask each other their opinion on a variety of topics, from the most trivial as what to do the weekend, to other more complicated as the best way to overcome differences with the difficult boss of one of the two. However, when you realize that those days were left behind and you find yourself making decisions without considering the other's feelings or leaving aside how they might affect him / her, you must worry.

2. You compare your contributions versus what he / she does: In a relationship that is "wind in the stern", it is easy for her and for him to give and to receive. But when everything starts to get complicated, the "eye for an eye" game starts and mentally you begin to take notes about how much you contribute versus how much he / she does.

3. You proclaim yourself as the queen / king of the castle: When a marriage goes well, one's needs and desires are as important as those of the other, so both do their best because they are fulfilled. The problem arises when tension, stress and resentment take over the relationship, and each one puts as priority number one their own needs leaving aside those of the other.

4. They go from being teammates to roommates: A man and a woman who "compete" for the same team, work together to achieve goals, share ideas about how to succeed, and visualize together the plans of life and home. However, when they become only roommates, their unique projects are the most important, and they stop respecting or thinking about the other person in the house. "They clean their space, they wash their clothes, their separate plans become separate lives," warns Allison Cohen.

5. You start to raise the most controversial issues afloat: Couples who have been together for a long time know each other well enough to know which are the most complicated points of one and the other. It may be that in the past they were touched by accident, but at the time both learned from their mistakes and promised not to repeat them. But when everything starts to go wrong, they start to get those issues afloat and they feel good about doing it.

6. You stop having appointments: When a couple feels happy and in love, they usually have meetings or appointments, and do things to keep the romance alive, such as surprising the other with the food they both like or even take care of the appearance. However, if the relationship is going through a crisis, you begin to feel that the other is like a shackle tied to your ankle instead of that special person for whom you displayed all your charms.

7. You start looking for another / another: Either emotionally or physically, if a relationship is not going well, one of the two begins to look for a different person to connect to and feel connected.

8. You do the sex on the side: According to the marriage counselor, many times people stop having sex when the positive feelings they have towards their partner begin to disappear. "Nobody wants to have sex with the person who is seen as an impediment to happiness," he says. Even when the couple is going through a difficult time, they may still have sexual desires, but they are repressed to "punish" the other.

9. Less and less words: If a man and a woman get along and have a good relationship, the conversations are a delight. But when everything changes, the dialogues begin to be empty and exhausting. Both begin to use as few words as possible to convey their feelings towards each other and any conversation results in everyday matters, such as arrangements that are necessary to make at home.

10. The interaction becomes "blind": In happy times, the members of one relationship see in the other / another a refuge, because they are the best friends and moments of joy are offered. However, as the tension is established, the interaction between the two becomes "blind" and the attention of one for the other is replaced by the fantasies that each one has about his new life, far from his current companion / partner. 

"If you are decisively shaking your head in confirmation, consider it as a warning that problems are coming (...) You have the opportunity to take your marriage away from the problems before the yellow light turns red", recommends Allison Cohen. Also, the counselor suggests to those who are in this situation, stop looking for the motivation that they lost, since - it affirms - "no fantasy sustains the reality and complexity of a relation". 

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